When it’s 4 in the morning and you can’t sleep, you’ve got two choices (well, three, but we’ll keep it clean): pop in a DVD or watch an infomercial.

Me, I love infomercials. My current favorite is the bigger-dick-pill one, if only because, for a solid hour, they never use any phrase to refer to cock except, “that special part of a man’s body.” How can you not love that, or the slut models posing as spokeswomen?

Runner-up: the Guys Gone Wild video infomercial. No, it doesn’t get as much airtime as the one with the Spring Break whores, but what the hell.  And I wonder - here’s that bi-explosion from Internet thing again - just how many sleepless straight guys are accidentally turning this on and keeping it on…

- Jack X, about to nap

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